I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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