maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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