i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
