why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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