I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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