my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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