the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
