Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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