It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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