I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
