Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
