I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
