so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
