Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
