U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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