Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
