We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
