AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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