She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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