Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
