would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
