I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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