I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
