i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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