party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
