i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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