I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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