Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
