The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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