She is in my trunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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