dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
