im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
