I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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