So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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