You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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