I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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