your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
