Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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