Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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