I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
