Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize