i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
