Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
