I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
