The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
