you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
