it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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