You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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