Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
