idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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