i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
