gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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