I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
