singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Please don't give away my fajitas
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
