i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
