READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
