Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
