I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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