Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
