i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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