just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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