i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
