Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize