Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
