Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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