Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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