YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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