She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
