A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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