Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
