He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
