You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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