i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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