he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
