Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
